


Memory Errors

by FeralCryptid



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Angst, Dusts off hands thats all for now until next update friend, Fluff, Gordon adopts a cat!, Gordon is trans hello!, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Benrey (Half-Life), Hurt/Comfort, Ill add more as i go along probably, Kinda?, M/M, Memory Loss, Mothreys complementary bag check joke, Slow Burn, Strange dreams yknow the usual, What else do people search for in tags, catboy benrey, doesnt do anything, he just has a tail, i think, joshua is mentioned but i dont have anything planned for him, listen ive had this idea for a while but im not sure what to tag it, tag time with mothrey lets go, these tags r a mess let me clean them up for you my guy, uhmm scratches head
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 09:47:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28668711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeralCryptid/pseuds/FeralCryptid
Summary: Everything was so perfectly normal now, except for the dream he has.He’s a kid, about 8-9. It's very blurry. Everything sounds like it's underwater. Gordon looks around and from context clues, it sounds like he’s in a forest. As he walks forward something swings down in front of him, seemingly by a tail? He stumbles back and falls backwards. The thing lets out a cackle and starts talking to him but it's horribly muffled. As he looks at the blurred figure longer, it seems to be another kid, just around his age.“I’m sorry, what was that?” He finally lets out. The world stills. Something shatters.Gordon’s missing something.In simpler terms;Gordons missing something and he doesn’t know what it is.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 18
Kudos: 56





	1. Dreaming of the streets where I'll see you again

**Author's Note:**

> Heyyyy my little creatures how y’all doing tonight!!!  
> [I hold the mic out to the crowd and you all start cheering]
> 
> Wow!! Thank you thank you!! You’re too kind!!!  
> It is 6 AM for me, and I’ve had this story idea for a while now so as they say  
> [coughs and does best john mulaney voice impression] this might as well happen!
> 
> I had my good bud Tommy read it before i posted it and he said it sounded fine so here i go!!!!

After the big fight, and the party, and just black mesa in general. It left Gordon pretty frazzled. As he enters his home at about 2 pm, HEV suit and all, he looks around to find almost nothing has changed. 

_ That’s good _ he thinks  _ at least no one decided to break in while I was gone. _

Gordon tiredly walks to the bathroom, struggles and eventually pries the HEV suit off himself so he can take a much needed shower. Lord knows what's in his hair. As he examines himself in the mirror he finds minor scratches, nothing huge. His eyes move to something in particular though, deep dark bags under his eyes.

He chuckles “Bag check for Gordon’s eyes” to no one in particular. “Yeah, that was a pretty bad one..” he laughs to himself and finally gets in the shower. Possibly one of the best showers of his life.

When Gordon finishes he goes to lay down and take a much needed rest, some may say he passed out as soon as his head touched the pillow. Everything was so perfectly normal now, except for the dream he has.

_ He’s a kid, about 8-9. It's very blurry. Everything sounds like it's underwater. Gordon looks around and from context clues, it sounds like he’s in a forest. As he walks forward something swings down in front of him, seemingly by a tail? He stumbles back and falls backwards. The thing lets out a cackle and starts talking to him but it's horribly muffled. As he looks at the blurred figure longer, it seems to be another kid, just around his age.  _

_ “I’m sorry, what was that?” He finally lets out. The world stills. Something shatters.  _

_ Gordon’s missing something. _

Gordon jolts awake and begins frantically looking. First stop is Joshie’s room. Nothing. Just the same mess Josh left it in before he went back over to his Ex’s for school. He’s gotta get that kid to get better at cleaning his room. Next Gordon gets to the guest bedroom, he searches, finds nothing. The kitchen. Nada. 

The attic? He opens the attic door to find a ton of boxes, filled with things he didn’t have room for. He begins searching through them, and finds a very little animal trinket with one of the backs that open up to hold things in them, one he got when he was a kid. It’s shaped like black cat sleeping, he opens it and it contains a single acorn. Gordon lets out a laugh.

“Must’ve put this in here when I was like eight. How have I not ever opened this before?”

_ You tell me. _

Gordon turns quickly in a panic. There’s nothing there. Must’ve been the wind. He closes the trinket, brings it downstairs with him, and places it on a shelf. It wasn’t what he was looking for, but it's enough for now.

When he gets back to his bedroom, he finally gets a glance at the time on his clock.

“Holy shit! Its 3 AM??” He checks his phone, just to make sure and surely enough, Gordon’s been dead asleep for about 15 hours AND he has about 15 new messages. He gave his number to the science team before he left so they could stay in touch. Looking through the messages, he finds one from Bubby letting him know it's him, two from Tommy, one saying it's him the other asking how he is, Gordon sends a quick “I’m good!! Sorry for the late response, how are you?”, then proceeds to read all 12 of Dr.Coomer’s “Hello Gordon!”’s each one misspelled up until the final message. He lets out a hearty laugh and puts his phone down.

The time is 3 AM. Gordon having gotten 15 hours of sleep decides “Fifteen more hours couldn’t hurt!” And lays back down. 

He has the same dream.

_ He’s in a forest except.. he can see around him now. It’s a warm summer day, leaves green, some mushrooms growing, flowers blooming, he spots some acorns falling off a nearby tree. Gordon walks over and picks one up. In his opinion, it’s perfect, it’s hat still intact snugly fitted on. He smiles, pulls out a small black cat trinket, and places it in it. Something swings down in front of him by the tail.  _

_ His vision cuts out.  _

_ A child laughing.  _

_ He’s laughing too. _

Gordon wakes himself up giggling, he checks the time. It's about 10 AM. By the time the fluttery joy dies down in his chest he feels something missing again but this time it feels painfully lonely.


	2. Dumped my nervous tendencies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [scratches head] Benrey and tommy have a talk, benrey realizes an unfortunate truth and last time i checked [checks watch and leans back in chair to look over my shoulder] Gordon is still losing his mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLLOOOOOO PARTY PEOPLE ITS BELOVED MOTHREY AGAIN!!!!  
> [you cheer, because i am a gift to this world]
> 
> new chapter new exclusive mothrey . Hlvrai interpretation lore 
> 
> Had 2 people preread it tthis time my beloved sae and also Tommy

Somewhere in the void, that loneliness was paralleled. Benrey sat floating around in a dark endless area for a long time now, he’s had the opportunity to reset, come back to the land of the living. Maybe play some games on the ps4, drink carbonated drinks, uhh what more to life is there again? Oh there’s sleeping. A long nap maybe. 

But unfortunately Benrey has been thinking. He doesn’t get it. He didn’t want to be the bad guy, he was just tired of the only person, who had treated him normally, turning around and treating him like a monster. Who does that? And to say he doesn’t remember they were friends? Best buds? Benrey grimaced. There was no reason for him to go back if that was what’s waiting for him. No sir, he was perfectly content chilling it up in the void. Alone. 

Well, usually alone. A light opens up at some point in the void, somewhere next to him, Benrey puts his fingers up to make two L’s, the light being on the side of the backwards L. The right of him. He glances over and sees Tommy walking in. Benrey’s tail frizzing up to its full extent, this was.. unexpected.. 

Benrey hesitantly places his feet on the ground, and looks at Tommy. Trying to decipher the look on his face, before he can though Tommy speaks.

“So, u-uh.. hi?”

“hey..” Benrey looks around, not much to look at. More of just to break eye contact for a bit. “Listen I-“

“I-I just wanted to-“ they both stopped and waited.

“I didn’t want it to-“

“I w-wanted to ask-“ 

They made eye contact and let out nervous chuckles. Tommy made sure to be quicker this time.

“Why’d yo-you do it?” He finally got out.

“Whuh?” A patient silence. Loading complete. “I told you, I wanted out of there.” 

“But you we-were never willing to hurt the people you car-cared about before s-so what changed now? I-It doesn’t make sense.” Tommy pushed. Benrey stepped back.

“How do you know that? Who said I even cared.” Benrey almost growled. They possibly growled. They could growl. If they wanted to.

“Well, you s-said it. Maybe not said it b-but you showed it. So w-what happened?” Tommy glared. Benrey’s face went through a plethora of emotions before settling on something of a bitter look. They opened their mouth to argue and suddenly a stream of sweet voice came out, far too many colors to make a coherent rhyme but Tommy got the message. 

He gave Benrey a sad look. Benrey on the other hand sniffled and looked away, tail thrashing behind him. Tommy stepped forward and opened his arms. Benrey glanced up, stepped forward and bonks his head on Tommy’s chest, Tommy chuckles and closes him in a hug.

“‘Was scared ‘n mad.” They muttered. “Still am kinda.”

“W-Well I know th-that now!” Tommy laughed. Benrey gave a sad snort. “Yo-You should apologize.”

“‘m sorry”

“Well, th-thank you but not to me. I had the background in-information the rest of them didn’t.” Tommy said sternly.

“I know.” This sucked. 

“And if any-anything, if you’re gonna do something about that crush you pr-probably need to start that s-soo- hey! Ow!” Tommy pushed Benrey off of him laughing. “We we’re hav-having a moment why would you bit-bite me?” 

“I have uhh rabies, and now you have rabies too. Now we both have rabies and it’s all your fault, who is going to save us now?” He deadpans. Tommy glares. A staring contest that leads to laughter that lasted long enough to hurt.

“I-I’m being serious though, hu-hurry up and come back. Believe it or n-not I would like my friend back.” He gave Benrey a sad smile.

“Maybe, haven’t uhh made up my mind yet yknow..” they kick the dust- well, void. dust.

“Ah, se-see you soon then.” Tommy smiles. He opens up another doorway and heads through it. Leaving Benrey alone to think again.

Yeah.. he did fuck up bad. Maybe a little. Okay a lot. At first it was about protecting everyone, but then it became something more vengeful as the time went on, he’ll admit that but he didn’t want anyone to actually get hurt.. maybe just learn their lesson.. learn not to forget important people. Duh.

Benrey huffs for a moment and lifts his feet up to levitate once more. What did feetman say when he got real big.. 

_ “We were never friends!” _

Hm nono, not that one. That one stung though. 

_ “I don’t think- You- You’re forging these memories dude!” _

That one. Hm.. no he wasn’t though? Benrey’s tail flicks back and forth. Why would he say he was forging memories or whatever. He had it right here. Right here in the memory book. Benrey taps his helmet. 

He remembers hanging out with Gordon like it was yesterday, so why..? Oh. 

Benrey’s blood runs cold. Black Mesa didn’t want anyone to know about the aliens on xen. Benrey drops to the ground once more in a panic. 

Wait. So.. Gordon actually didn’t remember. Benrey grabs his tail, trying to get the fur to go back down as he paces in circles. So if Black Mesa wiped his memories somehow then.. holy shit. Good God, he’s been tormenting an amnesiac.

——————

Gordon hasn’t been sleeping very well. Actually. He’s barely been sleeping at all! He’s been having these weird kinda reoccurring dreams for almost 2 weeks now. Oh, and one nightmare.

Gordon had every item from the boxes in the attic scattered around him in the living room. Before he flopped down in the middle of it. What was he doing? He got up and went to his bathroom, as he walked in he finally looks at himself.

“What..?” He brings a hand up to his face. His eyes puffy and red, like he had been crying. “But, that dream wasn’t nearly one of the worst ones I’ve had... especially not enough to make me look this bad jesus.” 

Gordon tries to recall it but something churns in his stomach and he feels... empty. Tears start to form again and he gets light headed, a ringing beginning to fill his ears. He steps back and slides down the bathroom wall, puts his head in his hands and groans as the ringing dissipates. 

“What the fuck is happening to me?” He tries to wipe the tears from his eyes but they just keep coming. His mind suddenly wanders to Benrey, what they had said. God who cares what they had said? It was Benrey. The guy who got your arm cut off? The guy who attacked you and your friends? Pull it together.

_ Well, we were friends too y'know. _

Gordon’s head shoots up. That definitely wasn’t the wind. He looks around his bathroom, shit his entire house and finds nothing again. Maybe he’s just lonely, maybe that's it. Maybe he just needs some noise around the house.

Gordon wipes his tears again, this time successfully drying it up, and thinks. He could invite the science team over but that really doesn’t cure long term loneliness now does it, he’d just be lonely again once they were gone and Joshua only comes over whenever he’s on his breaks. 

So what could the solution possibly be.

Gordon glances up at the small black cat trinket on his shelf. Maybe it’s time to think about a new family member.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [does a fun little dance for you in case u needed more entertainment] hope u enjoyed!!


	3. I didn't know I was lonely 'til I saw your face

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon gets a cat, and a guest? Oooo  
> Im not in the mood for summaries Im sorry
> 
> Uh let me just find a teaser part of the fic
> 
> “Yoo what’s up feetman! how’s my.. uh... bestie doing?” Benrey grins, and leans up against the door frame. Suddenly Gordon tilts backwards, and the creature he’s holding jumps to Benrey’s arms as a loud thump hits the ground. Benrey looks at the creature (that benrey now realizes is a cat), looks at Gordon, then back at the cat. 
> 
> “Is he.. does he normally do this?”
> 
> “Mrr”
> 
> “Dumb question. Of course not.”
> 
> Benrey leans down, and gets a better look at Gordon. Oh, he’s unconscious. Okay. Bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [i walk onto the stage, theres no applause.. what do i do? I think the audience isnt interested. I begin to sadly walk off. THEN SUDDENLY... EVERYONE IS CHEERING! I hop back on stage] HELLOOOOO BELOVEDS
> 
> Today i bring u a chapter that is much much longer then the last two as i am growing stronger in my writing abilities hee hoo 
> 
> Enjoy

It did not require much thinking at all, Gordon learned. The thought of getting a kitten sounded more and more appealing the more he researched it, and the longer the days went on. Tommy offered to make the perfect cat when Gordon spoke to him about it, but Gordon declined because he wanted an overall normal cat. He had bought all the supplies and everything he needed to have a kitten and then started visiting shelters, what he didn’t expect was to collapse at the sight of one fuzzy black kitten.

Her tail was poofy and wild, and it sort of stuck up like a squirrel. She was much bigger than most kittens her age, her eyes were very round and a golden yellow. As Gordon passed her in the shelter, she watched him with a very curious gaze and he broke at the first happy chirp she made when he approached her kennel. He had plans to visit other shelters, but that quickly changed after he held her for about 2 minutes. Curse his soft heart.

On the car ride home he learned she appreciated to be perched on someone’s shoulders. This would’ve been a pleasant surprise if Gordon hadn’t looked the seat over, saw a hole torn in the box he was given, then heard loud purring to his right. Gordon jumped in surprise, letting go of the wheel for a second and then swiftly recovering after hearing a loud honk behind him. Gordon sighed and gave her a scratch on the head before he returned his focus to the road.

When they arrived home Gordon placed her down and she immediately started smelling things and checking out toys, making cheerful chirps along the way.

“You’re very talkative for a cat, are you sure your not an alien or something? I’ve had enough experience with those, thank you!” He chuckled, but as he looked at her again she was at his feet, staring up at him, almost as if she was listening. Then she lifted her front paws up and placed them on his thighs, Gordon leans down and lifts her up. She immediately starts nuzzling his face and purring almost as loud as her little vocal cords can go. Maybe this is what he needed.

This is not what he needed whatsoever. Gordon learns that with wonderful traits of a kitten, comes some pretty bad ones too. Yes, she’s talkative but also lacking object permanence, when Gordon leaves her sight for more than a couple of minutes she howls and cries as loud as possible. Not only that but she’s claimed one of Gordon’s accent tables as her own space, knocking everything and anything Gordon will place on it off to make space to lay down, this discovery unfortunately cost Gordon a lamp. Along with all of this, it seems she loves to run through Gordon’s hallways at night, and if Gordon keeps his bedroom door closed she digs and cries until she’s let in. Not allowing Gordon much sleep. During all of the chaos Gordon hadn’t ever really decided on a name, she was loud, mischievous and a force to be reckoned with. He had decided on Caroline, he liked the french meaning of the name, but during the span of their days together Gordon jokingly took to calling her “little monster”, successfully making her believe Monster was what she was supposed to be answering to. Great. He could probably just tell people it was Caroline anyways... just to save himself the explanation.

Caroline did keep him company though for the most parts. Whenever he woke up from the strange dreams she would always be above his head looking down at him, and whenever he went searching for things he couldn’t find she was right alongside him looking with him, but unfortunately her company didn’t seem to be enough. Gordon still felt like something was missing, and was losing far too many precious hours of sleep over it. So much so he fell asleep on the couch, forgetting about the dreams entirely until he started having one.

_ It was blurry again but from the colorful surroundings around him, Gordon could make out he was at a playground. He was laughing with someone on the swings, before he suddenly dug his feet into the mulch and stuck his hand in his pocket to retrieve something.  _

_ From the feeling of it, it was a small bracelet. Hand-made by Gordon, he knew that at least. When he pulled it out of his pocket he could see through the blurry vision what colors he chose for it, pink and blue. _

_ Something he had commonly seen. _

_ He heard the person next to him dig their feet into the mulch as well, stopping to look at what he had. Gordon extended his gift to the person next to him but when he looked up there was nothing there.  _

_ That’s not right. _

Gordon jolted awake, not only at a knock at the door but at several very sharp claws latching themselves onto his stomach. After prying her off himself, he checked the time.

10 PM.

“Who the hell is visiting at 10 PM?”

——

It was dark outside, okay maaaybbe Benrey picked the wrong time to do this but there’s only so much time you have after you hit respawn immediately after realizing you’ve technically been tormenting a stranger, during possibly the most traumatic time of their life. Ugh, what do you even say to make this better?

“Hey sorry I antagonized you relentlessly after the big green explosion!! Wanna hang?” Benrey shook his head. “Heyyy sorry I basically bullied you while you we’re trying to get out of Black Mesa, sold you out to the military, lost you your arm, and also was the big bad that tried to kill you! Uhh Let’s try again?” Benrey definitely shouldn’t have rushed this, should’ve come up with a game plan.. pulled up some uh, wiki how articles. How to make up with best friend who doesn’t know you’re best friends.

Maybe they could improvise. Come up with a plan on the spot. Benrey smiled. That’s it, apology straight from the heart no rehearsals whats the worst that could happen? He looked down at his security uniform.

“probably should’ve changed before I came.. uhh... hm..” He removes his helmet. “There.. new benrey, no helmet no tricks just shadow hair and glowing eyes. Sincere apology hours.” 

They finally reach their hand up and knock on the door, and jolted back after hearing what sounded like someone in pain. Dumb feetman fall or something? Damn, he really is clumsy. Oh, footsteps towards the door get ready. Benrey straightens his shoulders and puts on his warmest smile.

The door opens, there’s feetman! Holding a.. creature? Benrey blinks. Oh! He’s looking at you, oh he’s looking pale actually.. better late than never!

“Yoo what’s up feetman! how’s my.. uh... bestie doing?” Benrey grins, and leans up against the door frame. Suddenly Gordon tilts backwards, and the creature he’s holding jumps to Benrey’s arms as a loud thump hits the ground. Benrey looks at the creature (that benrey now realizes is a cat), looks at Gordon, then back at the cat. 

“Is he.. does he normally do this?”

“Mrr”

“Dumb question. Of course not.”

Benrey leans down, and gets a better look at Gordon. Oh, he’s unconscious. Okay. Bad.

——

When Gordon wakes up he’s back on his couch, Caroline resting on his chest. He sits up an groans, damn, his head hurts. He looks around his home and everything seems in place. He looks down at Caroline and begins to scratch her head.

“Huh, that was a weird dream, I could’ve sworn I saw Be-“ there’s suddenly several loud noises of pans falling coming from his kitchen. Gordon whips around quickly but Caroline just hops down and prances into the room.

“Hey!! Hey! Where do you think you’re going??” Gordon stage-whispers to her her. “Pspspsps c’mere girl! Nononono don’t go in there-! Ugh..” 

Gordon sighs and nervously, gets up from the couch and makes his way to the kitchn slowly and quietly. He hears disgruntled and pained noises coming from around the corner before turning and finding- Caroline climbing Benrey like a tree while Benrey is trying not to spill a glass of water. Comically they both turn upon seeing Gordon enter the room.

“Oh.. hey.. you’re finally awake.. haha.. get it? The funny, hey so-“ Benrey looks Gordon up and down before walking over, and holding out the glass to him. “Water? Refreshments? Dehydrated maybe? Hey- don’t conk out again maybe? come here.”

Before Gordon can process it Benrey is leading him to the couch to sit down.

“There we go, now.. what human issue is this? Water? Water friend? Or.. uh..” Gordon watches Benrey walk to the kitchen and come back with a salt shaker in hand. “Salt. Do you need salt.”

Gordon blinks, finally having processed what’s before him.

“How- you’re alive- you. In my house.” Gordon sputters, feeling lightheaded. Benrey gives him a nervous look and shoves both the salt shaker and the water into his hands. Gordon sets both on the table next to him, and stares at Benrey with wide eyes. Benrey coughs.

“Well, I sort of. Can’t die? Remember? Haha.. Gordon Forgetman...” Benrey’s eyes widen, tail behind him frizzing up. “Sorry... bad . Bad joke. Dramatic irony.”

Gordon blinks, several times, then stands. Benrey’s arms shoot out to steady him but when they realize he’s fine, they’re hands shoot back to their side. Gordon starts.

“You need to-“

“Wait wait wait-! I genuinely came here to say something serious! I prommy!” Gordon glares. Benrey nervously smiles and shrugs. “Different way of saying promise?”

Gordon sighs, and sits back down on the couch deflating instantly, before glancing up at Benrey and points to the other side of the couch. Benrey stares, and also points to the couch.

“No-“ Gordon groans “sit on the couch Benrey, c’mon we might as well do this.”

“Oh. Okay.” Benrey takes a deep breath and sits on the far end staring at Gordon, waiting.

“What did you want to say man?”

“Huh”

“Dude, we’re not doing this all night.”

“Uh, so....” Benrey thinks for a moment, before starting again. “It occurred to me, that... you maybe... did not actually know who I was.. through the entirety of Black Mesa?”

“mhm.”

“So, I shouldn’t have been so pushy with you, and antagonized you.. during those stressful times. I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry?”

“Yeah, for everything. The antagonizing.. the arm... the boss fight..” Benrey looks away. Gordon stares bullets into him. “I shouldn’t have done anything of that, and you don’t have to say anything I was just letting you know and...“

Benrey looks up at Gordon to find he’s no longer glaring, but looking at Benrey shocked, mouth opening and closing. Benrey gives a confused look.

“You got questions? fishman?” Gordon’s look goes back to something irritated. “Not the time. Sorry.”

“Yeah actually, what did you mean by ‘you didn’t realize, I didn’t know you.’ How could I have possibly known you? It was my first day meeting you?” Gordon spoke. Benrey furrowed their eyebrows.

“Really? That’s what you’re wondering? I thought you might’ve wanted an explanation behind the arm thing or me getting all big and scary-“

“Bubby explained the military thing to me, a while after it all ended. Said you guys, were misled by something the soldiers said to you? The details are weird and I don’t know if I’ll be able to forgive either of you for that one- but.. It’s not like the arm thing lasted long anyways.” Gordon rolls up his sleeve to reveal the arm he had lost, fully recovered besides the long scar going around the entire arm. He rolls the sleeve back down. “The boss battle thing... I’ve thought about that too. Something you said during it. Related to what I asked before. Why did you think you knew me if we’ve never met?”

“Because we did meet? Remember?-“ Benrey softly wacks their own forehead. “Sorry. You don’t, I know that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Uhh we were .. good friends for a long time.. before Black Mesa got ahold of me.” As Benrey speaks Gordon watches their tail flick back and forth for a moment before looking at them again. “I think they did something to your memory, messed it all up in there... seemed like you knew me at the time I was making the jokes because you’d sometimes laugh and joke back..” Benrey looks downwards. “But I see now, I was kinda just tormenting a stranger who occasionally found me a little funny”

“Okay... Now.. if we were friends and you assumed we were friends. Why did you attack all of us on xen?” Gordon glared at Benrey, disbelief riddled all over his face. Benrey got red.

“Uhm.. uh.. so- there’s a lot of reasons for that. Actually. Mostly two. Uhm. Xen, isn’t exactly the best place to be? I’m from there-“

“Does everyone of your species come in the form of a catboy?”

“Hey!-“ Benrey snarled then laughed. “Why do you get to be the funny guy and I don’t?”

Gordon chuckled for a moment, before smugly looking at Benrey again. “Because I’m not the one giving a heartfelt apology, or the one who fucked up. Spill the beans, catboy.”

“Ugh fine fine. Xen, is a very dangerous place even for a guy wearing an HEV suit. I got real big to scare you off, make you leave the real big bads alone. Never really intended to hurt any of you.” Benrey huffs.

“So then what was the second reason?”

They get red again.

“At some point... during the battle, I may have gotten a little heated because I thought you were being rude and mean on purpose. So at some point it became about being.. rude back.. but now I realize you were just stressed and also didn’t know me.” Benrey was sweating now and avoiding eye contact.

“Okay.”

Benrey looked back.

“What.”

Gordon leans back on the couch.

“Let’s say I believe you, that we were ‘friends’ before. What proof do you have to be making that claim?” Benrey went to 

sit criss cross on the couch before Gordon whacked his knee softly. “Hey- don’t- man take off your dirty ass boots before you put your feet all over my couch.””

Benrey chuckled, and kicked off his boots before continuing to his new position. He threw Gordon a confident look. Gordon quirked an eyebrow.

Long silence.

“I didn’t actually think I’d get this far without being thrown out.”

Gordon threw his head back in laughter. Wheezing. Benrey quietly chuckling to themself. After a moment laughter died down in the room.

“How are you going to come here at 10 pm, now 11 pm, apologizing and saying all of this without giving me even a smidge of proof? You’re telling me you dont have any evidence of when we were ‘friends as children’?” Gordon gave Benrey a look. Benrey couldn’t place it. They looked around the room for something, anything. 

A shine caught their eye on one of Gordons shelves. Benrey stood up, and put his hands out in a “wait here” motion. Walked over to the shelves and picked up a small trinket, looked like the same cat Gordon was keeping in his home, this is it. Then brought it back over to Gordon and dropped it in his hands.

“Didn’t you used to carry this around all the time? Pick up acorns & things that looked cool and leave ‘em in there?” Benrey said, tilting their head. Gordon popped it open to reveal the acorn he left in there. 

“How’d-“ Gordon shot his gaze up to Benrey irritated once more. “Are you haunting my dreams man?” 

Benrey stumbled back in shock. “The fuck- no? Holy shit man, what?” They plop back down on the couch. “Bro I remember it was about the time we first met, scared you while you were collecting things.”

“What?”

“You tell me.” Benrey shrugs.

Gordon feels winded for a moment, he closes the trinket once more and sets it on the counter next to him before turning back to Benrey. 

“Alright, I’ll buy it for now.”

“Really?”

“Yeah but if this turns out to be a lie I’m gonna throttle yo-“ both Gordon and Benrey jump as a loud crash happens on the same table. They both turn quickly to see- Caroline. Laying down and watching them very intently. Gordon looks down to the floor to see the trinket, a salt shaker, and a puddle with broken glass that definitely used to be a cup. Gordon groans and Benrey speaks up.

“Hey so why do you have that?”

“My cat?”

“Yeah, what’s its name. Very crazy little thing.”

“Oh that’s Caroline, I got her from the shelter because I-“ before Gordon could finish Benrey was trying to call her, with various clicking noises.

“Carolineee !~ She’s not coming, she’s just staring at me.” Benrey sounded disappointed. Gordon looked between them. Caroline staring at Benrey intently.

“Oh she doesn’t listen to that name, she only responds to Monster.. for some.. reason..” Benrey gives Gordon a disbelieving look before turning back to the kitten.

“Monster!” 

The cat gets up, jumps on Gordon’s shoulders, off his shoulders, then on to Benrey’s head and off Benrey’s head.

“Rude.”

Gordon started laughing hard, tears forming in his eyes. Benrey joined in after a while. They both laughed for a long moment together.

Something clicks into place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Psstt
> 
> Caroline means Free man if you didnt look it up
> 
> [winks]
> 
> Gordon knows this
> 
> [wink wink]
> 
> No relation to the story i just think its cute /gen
> 
> ALSSOOOO caroline is inspired by my cats and their awful awful little tendencies


	4. you know I could live without or with you, but I might like having you about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Benrey and Gordon get some more talk time in!!! How sick how cool! some more things are remembered so true ! Im done writing coherent words for the day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [HAND UH COMES OUT OF THE DIRT SCARY ZOMBIE STYLE THE AUDIENCE LETS OUT A GASP, THINKING THE APOCALYPSE IS AMONG THEM. But! Oh! Its just me! Im here! Every one lets out a sigh of relief]
> 
> HELLO everyones i have an issue wherr im able to make like the beginning of something and then never think of what happens in the middle parts so thats why this took so long [smirks] anyways enjoyyy

That went so much better then Benrey thought it was gonna go! Success! Maybe he’s not too far gone. After the talk, Gordon and him laughed for a while before Gordon finally mentioned something about it “getting late” whatever that means, and offered to let Benrey sleep on the couch? Which was strange but of course they weren’t gonna decline their best friend sleepover rights. So they ended up chilling on his couch with Feetman’s weird little animal all night.

______

Gordon has no idea why he did that. As he started getting ready for bed it hit him. He just invited the person who attacked him and his friends, to stay the night! After one conversation about it! Gordon paced around his room, maybe he was just too forgiving? No. That didn’t feel like the right answer, getting your arm cut off is just not a fun enough experience to forgive and forget even if it DOES magically grow back. 

_ Maybe we were just, yknow? friends? _

Gordon halts And looks around. No one’s in the room with him, he quietly opens his bedroom door, walks down and peaks into the living room. Benrey fast asleep, with Caroline sleeping soundly on top of his chest. Aw, that's kinda cute.. she must’ve knocked him out with all her purring. Gordon shook his head. Focus on the task at hand! 

He goes to enter the living room but stops. What even was the task at hand? Gordon looks over and eyes the cat trinket placed neatly back on the shelf and sighs. Maybe he just needs some rest.

Gordon heads back to his bedroom and lays down, only to pass out as soon as his head hits the pillow.

And has that same dream about a handmade bracelet and a friend who was never there.

______

When Benrey woke up he felt a heavy pressure on his chest only to reach up and remove a very large kitten off of him and stare into her quite angry looking eyes for a while. 

“Jeez, does that look run in the family or something?” 

“Maooww” Caroline responds angrily as she squirms in their grasp. Benrey lets go and she takes off into the direction of Gordon’s room as soon as her paws touch the floor.

“Hey!! Don't be a tattle tale!” Benrey stage whispers, she stops in the doorway for a moment to look at them, huffs, then continues running. “Ughh now even Gordon’s weird creature offspring hates me...”

Oh wait, Benrey looks around, they’re still at Gordon’s house! ..Oh yeah, they got sleepover rights. Benrey lays back onto the couch and thinks. Feetman wanted proof last night... hmm.. proof? Benrey isn’t quite sure what that entails. 

He gets up and walks over to the shelf, lifting up the cat trinket and looking it over. Why did this thing seem to gauge some sort of reaction? Benrey pops open the cap and looks inside to find the acorn. He dumps it onto one of his hands and gets a closer look, it looks relatively perfect. Gordon only collected ones that looked like this about the time they first met-

He fumbles with the trinket in his hands and hurriedly places it on the shelf. Huh. Its from when they first met. That’s the significance. So, maybe if he found more things with that kind of significance.. Gordon would remember him! Benrey pumps a fist in the air, accidentally banging into one of the shelves. He shakes the pain off quickly and rolls up the sleeve to his left arm to reveal a bracelet.

Benrey’s never been one to wear jewelry, its always felt weird against his skin but this was different. They slid it off their arm and held it in their hands to examine it. He remembers receiving it like it was yesterday.

_ They were on the playground swinging on the swings. Probably rambling about the latest game Gordon showed him and how cool he thought it was. Then suddenly his friend stops.  _

_ They stop too because it looks like he has something and as nosy as they are, they want a closer look. When they finally slow down a bracelet is shoved at them, they pick it up. It looks hand made, and its put together in a pink to blue fashion. Benrey looks up at Gordon like he’s the world. _

_ “Whenever you use the bubble voice around me it’s always some form of those colors, So they must mean something sort of good right?” Benrey looks down at the bracelet. Oh, he has no idea. They smile and put it on. _

Some tears formed in Benrey’s eyes, not lame human one’s but colorful and reflective of the memory itself. Pink to blue. He wipes them away, and holds the bracelet tightly in his hands. Then he rushes to Gordon’s room. When he gets to the door he goes to open it, only for it to swing open in front of him.

Gordon jumps about a foot back. “Benrey?!” He stops, gears turning. “Oh, right, you stayed the night listen-“

Benrey reaches out and grabs one of Gordon’s arms, and opens his palm. Gordon gives him a look but allows it, as Benrey places the small bracelet into Gordon’s hand and looks up at him expectantly. As he looks at the bracelet in his palm, Benrey watches him closely. He gets very teary eyed at first but wipes it away, then meets their gaze.

“How did you..” He looks more closely at the bracelet. “How did you know about this?”

“You gave it to me, we we’re at some playground, and you gave it to me. Said something about seeing those colors of sweet voice a lot, then stupidly assumed they were nice and made a bracelet for me out of them.” Benrey chuckled. “What a little goober, what if they meant ‘I hate you, you are my worst enemy ever die!’” They cackled a bit more and Gordon joined in.

“They don’t do they?”

“Nah, they meant something good. Good assumption.”

“So what does it-“

“You said you wanted proof last night, and the cat I showed you, held some sort of memory to when we first met..” Benrey takes back the bracelet and slips it on. “To me at least this holds the memory of when we truly became best friends...”

Gordon looks between Benrey and the bracelet on his arm.

“Are you sure you can’t like haunt peoples dreams?”

“You sayin’ you dream about me? That’s a littl-“ Gordon puts a hand over Benrey’s mouth. “Good God, it's too early for that.” 

Benrey licks it. Gordon hurriedly pulls it away laughing. “Holy shit what are you five? Jesus christ! I was gonna offer you breakfast but after that I think I just want you to go!” 

“nooo!! Allow me breaky rights please??” Benrey gives Gordon puppy eyes, or what would be puppy eyes if they weren’t just terrifying. “I promise I won’t lick you again pinky prommy?” 

“Fine come on.. we have to work fast or Monster’s gonna chew my leg off.” Benrey glances down to Gordon’s leg to see a very angry kitten, biting and hitting his leg.

“Wow, that things evil..”

“Seriously I don’t even think Josh was this bad...” Gordon sighs as he tries to walk to the kitchen, kitten latched tightly onto his leg. “She’s spoiled rotten, I’ll tell you that much.” 

He reaches up onto a shelf and pulls down a can of cat food. Caroline quickly legs go of his leg and climbs Gordon like a tree to sit on his shoulders patiently. Benrey watches in horror.

“Does that not hurt like hell? She did it to me when I first came in and I damn near thought you had an attack dog.”

“Honestly? You get used to it...” Gordon opens the food, puts it in a bowl then places it on the ground. Caroline happily leaps off and begins eating. Gordon sighs, and rubs his now clawed up back. “No you don’t... I just don’t think I have the heart to break her of it...”

They both stare down and watch her tear into her food with the ferocity of a feral animal. Then Gordon turns back up to Benrey.

“So, what do you want?”

“Huh?”

“To eat, bud. I’m thinking like just eggs and bacon.. you still really like eggs don’t you?” Gordon asks, reaching up to grab a pan and then the eggs and bacon from the fridge.

“Oh absolutely hell yes!” Benrey smiled. Then stopped, and threw Gordon a curious look. Gordon starts the stove, places the pan on it, then turns to return the look.

“What?”

“What you just said? Take a little rewind down memory lane?? Wont you for me please??”

“What in the good lords name are you talking about?”

“Ugh, you asked me if I ‘still liked eggs’ which duh of course I do they are like, number 2 at my favorite foods-“

Gordon cracks an egg in the pan and watches it sizzle. “Yeah, I guess I should’ve assumed that I mean I’m pretty sure I watched you try to eat one raw once at black mesa.” 

“This was not the point of the conversation-“ Benrey puts his head in his hands.

“Then what was? Do you want scrambled eggs or are you still not over that weird ass way you eat over easy eggs?” Gordon spoke as he began to flip the egg. Benrey slammed his hands down on the counter, causing Gordon to fumble and burst the egg open. “Ok, so? scrambled?”

“No!! You did it again!” Benrey made several hand gestures and then let out a frustrated string of sweet voice. “You’re remembering shit!!” 

“Are you fucking with me right now??”

“You make me want to climb across this table and do violent things.” Gordon threw his head back and laughed.

“Okay? Now you know how I felt.” 

“First you ask me if eggs are still my favorite food and then you ask about how I eat them! You’re on a fucking memory roll do you hear the sounds that are leaving your mouth?!”

“No actually, I mostly just choose to speak whatever words enter my mind and see if its a hit or miss on the world around me!” Gordon smirks.

“What a sad life you must lead!” Benrey fumes. Gordon laughs harder.

“Bro that’s exactly the life you fucking lead!!” Gordon begins to wheeze and Benrey flops down on the floor, eyes widened and tail frizzed up completely. Caroline gives him a startled look then continues eating.

“Do you seriously not understand or was this all just an elaborate prank on poor little ol’ Benrey...” Gordon shovels the scrambled eggs off onto a plate before cracking another egg, then he glances down at him and lets out a sigh.

“I’m sure it was probably nothing, based on how random you are when you speak. I'm sure that you probably mentioned something about this in black mesa and I just picked it up.”

“Ah so you genuinely don’t understand, this is a comforting fact..” Benrey sinks down until he’s splayed across Gordons kitchen floor. Gordon looks down at him and kicks him softly in the ribs, earning a small ‘oof’.

“Get off the floor dude, I haven’t cleaned that shit in weeks. You’re probably filthy now, besides I’m almost finished cooking. Sit up at the counter please.” Benrey groaned, before slowly sitting up and slinking his way over to the counter and taking a seat. 

They sat in an strangely comfortable silence as Benrey watched Gordon finish making the eggs and start making bacon. When he finished Gordon sat Benrey’s plate down in front of him and sat beside Benrey.

Benrey glanced down to see Gordon gave him the plate with over easy eggs and began to cut the whites off around the yolk before eating the yolk whole and then the whites. Gordon watched this and grimaced.

“Im not sure if that counts as playing with your food or just being fucking weird..” 

“It's a process and it gets the job done faster.”

“I would give anything to be the person who sits down and just figures out whatever the hell goes on in your head.”

“People have tried, and they’ve gone insane.” Benrey gives Gordon a smile. Gordon laughs nervously, not knowing if this was a joke or not.

“So do you have a place to stay?” Gordon asks, Benrey thinks.

“No not really.. I went over to Tommy’s for a bit to talk to him but we only got so little chat time in before his dad shooed me out.. I would ask Coomer and Bubby but a part of me feels like they are living out their own story arc right now and it's none of my business.” Benrey laughs. Gordon stops and thinks for a moment.

“Yknow, I actually think they are searching for a new house right now, something about causing irreparable damage to everything that can or could explode in the home...” Gordon shook his head. “I choose not to think about it too much.”

They ate in silence for a couple more minutes before Gordon spoke up again.

“I have a spare bedroom you could use, if you would like to stay here.” Benrey gave Gordon a wild look before Gordon turned away. “Look, it... hasn’t been awful having you around today. Apart of me believes you may have a point with the memory thing, and your apology seemed pretty honest.. I don't think it would be too horrible to try and start over.”

When Gordon finally glances over at Benrey, they look like they could cry. Gordon laughs.

“Hug?” He offers.

Benrey gladly accepts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [taps a little dance for you, yes you]

**Author's Note:**

> Ooooooo that was pretty cool wasn’t it? I hope so!! I hope u enjoyed thank u for reading i love u smile


End file.
